I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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