Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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