Whod you bang
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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