im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
