Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize