how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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