Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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