I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
