Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize