i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
