You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
