and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
