the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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