I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
