I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
