yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
