I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
