One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
