I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
