Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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