He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
