New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
