you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
