I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
