He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My vagina just recognized that song.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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