Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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