So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize