All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
