Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
