I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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