i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
