this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
