Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
