dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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