Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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