I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
