you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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