Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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