if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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