I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
