He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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