I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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