The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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