You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
