Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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