how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
