So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
