I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
