Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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