I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
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