I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
