I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
