Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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