theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
