I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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