I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
