So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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