I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
