Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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