I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize