she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize