god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
