I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
love makes seman taste better
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
