I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
