i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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