i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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