I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
