it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
